More like AWESOME news….

I will no longer be among the unemployed starting next week.

A new job, in a new industry, doing some similar things but many many new things. I am stoked and did a little “in yo face BITCH!” dance for the former boss that did her level best to tear me down. She wont see or hear about it, but it was a feel good moment for me.

Rot in hell, bitch!

I am still here. I’m trying to get away from anything that reminds me of my former employer, but its not easy in small town America.

I good friend and twice former workmate stopped by yesterday to see how I was doing. Just a short discussion and recounting of what happened that day sent me reeling back into the pit that I had partially climbed out from. It’s not his fault at all, he is a good man and a good friend for thinking of me, but I am just not ready to face those demons yet.

Today I had a really good session of therapy that actually made me feel better. A talk about “perspective” really helped and he reiterated that I am most certainly not crazy. He confirmed the PTSD diagnosis and reassured me that even my physical symptoms (no appetite, muscle twitching/spasms) are entirely normal and should go away as I progress toward a more normal emotional state.

Overall, I don’t feel all that much better in the present, present pain is always the worst pain, but looking back on my state last week and 2 weeks ago I am clearly doing better.

The mental health profession is hard at work. There is an acronym for my current condition, it is called: ASD or Acute Stress Disorder.

I am in some danger of it turning into a more scary acronym: PTSD and that’s not good.

Treatment starts tomorrow, I my be hospitalized.

There is a lot of value in hearing someone with a Ph.D after their name saying “Nope, you are definitely not crazy”, though the trading value of the Ph.D is kinda low for me… just let me have this one.

People keep telling me that I should find something to do, live outside my head etc…

So today I decided that I would make a turkey dinnerWell, actually yesterday but found out that it isn’t really easy to defrost a frozen turkey in short order.

Despite not eating until just before the firing due to massive stomach cramps and nausea, I forged ahead. Teh Sinlet LOVES turkey so she was certainly on board, Mrs. Sinner howeer is allergic to all poultry products, so she had to make other plans. By the time I finished I remembered why I don’t do this very often, its a pain in the arse and rght now I am exhausted.

It turned out well, so well that I actually felt hungry and ate some. Like I said the first real food in me since Tuesday lunch. Until now not even milk could stay down, anything actually solid had no chance. It remains to be seen if I heave this all up in an hour, but as of right now it feels good to have eaten.

I’m exhausted, but I feel better than anytime since the firing. Tomorrow is another day and I hope to build on this, maybe go for just 1 panic attack instead of my usual 3 or 4.

I get anger over this situation, I mean I get that I will feel angry… But Grief? really?

I recognize the state of grief, I have been through it before but never over a lousy stinking job that I had grown to hate in the last 6 months or so. By all rights I should be glad that the ordeal is over and done with, like ripping a band-aid off a healed cut, but I am currently disabled by grief and depression. Again, I realize that it is only 48 hours later and the trauma is still very fresh, but still GRIEF? Seriously?

The worst of it is that I think I need professional help, but I am afraid to spend the money. Is it better for my girls to have “dead dad” or “alive dad, but starving and in the streets”?

That questions and “do I dare press publish on this” to be answered soon-ish…

A loved one leaves on a military assignment, divorce papers are signed, a parent or a favorite pet passes away…

“Any loss — and even an impending loss — can bring on feelings of grief,” according to Karl Goodkin, M.D., Ph.D., professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences and professor of neurology at the University of Miami School of Medicine in Miami, Fla., and professor of psychology at the University of Miami Graduate School.

The grief process often brings with it shock or emotional numbness, followed by feelings of depression, anger, guilt or helplessness. Grieving always hurts, but it’s not a bad thing, Dr. Goodkin says. It’s a very normal and necessary process for adjusting to difficult life changes.

Healthy grieving

“Most people seem to be able to process loss on their own, not just within their own thinking and coping, but also by getting support from their family, friends and personal social networks,” says Dr. Goodkin. “Tapping into social support at this time is perhaps the best predictor for adjusting to loss in a healthy way.”

Grief usually moves through five stages:
Denial or disbelief
Anger or guilt
Bargaining
Depression or sadness
Acceptance

Some of these stages can occur at the same time. Not all people who grieve experience all of these stages.

Other symptoms of grief include sleep problems, appetite changes and difficulty getting back to work.

With healthful grieving, one can:
Resolve loss-related stress.
Give meaning to the loss and to the place the relationship held for oneself.
Begin looking toward the future.
Start looking for others who might replace some of the lost aspects of the relationship.

Getting help

Some people do get stuck in the process, Dr. Goodkin says, and that’s why grief-specific treatment can help.

According to Dr. Goodkin, people with the following symptoms of “complicated grief” may benefit from treatment:
Persistent guilt feelings regarding actions taken or not taken at the time of death.
A morbid preoccupation with self-worthlessness.
A severe slowing down of one’s thoughts and overall activity.
Hallucinations, other than thinking one might be in connection with the deceased, or briefly hearing the voice of the deceased.

Grief can lead to depression or abuse of alcohol or drugs. Grief that lasts for more than two months and makes it difficult to deal with daily life may indicate a more serious problem.

Treatment options for unresolved grief include:
Group psychotherapy sessions designed specifically for bereavement. Guided by a leader with grief expertise, these groups provide a non-threatening structure for talking about one’s loss, expressing one’s feelings, benefiting from the social support offered by the group, and learning to move on in healthful ways. “Many general mental health counselors will say they’re capable of addressing death and dying issues,” Dr. Goodkin says. “That can be true, but working with someone who has grief expertise can make a big difference in a person’s long-term recovery.”
Individual psychotherapy. Private counseling can be helpful for people who are dealing with deeper emotional issues not related solely to the recently experienced loss. It is also recommended when privacy issues related to the circumstances of the loss would prevent the person from speaking up within a group.
Antidepressant or anti-anxiety medications. Drugs can often help when combined with psychotherapy. By improving mental health symptoms, medications can aid the person in moving through the grieving process more quickly.
Krames Staywell

“You’re fired”

7 years building something and the way they handle it is to call everyone else into a regularly scheduled staff meeting and specifically say that I am not invited. Leaving me to sit and wonder WTF for 5 minutes before the HR Director shows up.

Actually, I guess that fits with the train wreck that is the new boss. This one has people skills that make the most grizzled game industry manager look like Dr. Phil.

On the upside, I don’t have to look at that subject matter anymore. On the downside, that whole feeding my family thing… So its a wash I guess…

Update: On some reflection, I came to the conclusion that this is the last of the series. If I do pursue another job, which I currently find rather unlikely at least in the near term, I don’t think I will post these snippets of randomness. Some things are best left in the past.

“Dude, that guy is the Tom Cruise of midgets”

Below are my grades for the regular season. No matter what happens Sunday and beyond, this has been a great season and full of fun for all Packer fans.

Offense: A+

What a wild show the boys put on for us. Consistently scoring, moving the ball seemingly at will and also having the time of their lives doing it. This is a special bunch and I hope they enjoyed the season. It seems likely that the business side fo the game will undoubtedly break up this special unit in the off season. Let’s hope they ride this luxury car a long way in the playoffs.

Defense: D+

Sometimes they looked like an NFL defense, most of the time they looked positively Pop Warner. They have not shown me anything that leads me to believe that there is any road to Indianapolis other than the Offense scoring 35+ every week and hoping for a miracle stop in the last minute. If the Pack doesn’t make it to Indy, it will be because this unit wasn’t able to seal a win.

Grade would be F- without a bunch of timely turnovers to end games.

Special Teams: B+

Good performances all around. Didn’t win any games, but more important didn’t lose any.

MVP: Aaron Rodgers

Duh.

Honorable Mention: Receiving corps and Offensive Line.

Receivers came up big when needed, especially my favorite Packer of all time, Donald Driver. The O-Line made it all possible even with injuries and a lot of shuffling.

Next Week: Playoff football at Lambeau vs. NY Giants.

The Giants gave the Packers all they wanted and more a few weeks ago in NY, but this is Lambeau…

Prediction: NY Giants 31, Green Bay Packers 38

The Defense will again come up with a “magical” stop in the Red Zone during the final minute.

I can’t seem to get this song out of my head lately, so I now inflict it on you…

Sadly, the game wasn’t on in my area. I decided to try the suggestion left in a previous thread and was able to watch on the intertoob… The feed was the normal Fox video except the commercial bumpers were replaced… and the audio was in Spanish. Before the end of the game I was shouting “Viva Packerlareos!”

I will reflect some on the season as a whole next week (in the absence of a game) and post the my final grades for the regular season at that time.

Grades:

Offense: A

This unit didn’t miss a beat without Aaron Rodgers. Matt Flynn was exceptional and we saw some dominating play.

Defense: D

At some point the defense will have to play better, you can’t rely on turnovers to end drives in the playoffs. They gave up 39 points and the offense bailed them out. Against a quality opponent, this will not wash.

Special Teams: C

Not a lot of punting due to the track meet nature of the game but decent kickoff depth is contered by a missed FG.

MVP: Matt Flynn, 6 TD Passes… unbelievable. Enjoy your new contract and starting gig somewhere else next year, I will root for you except when playing the Packeraleros. (Kansas City maybe?)

Honorable Mention: Jordy Nelson. The TD catch on his knees was a thing of beauty.

Next Week: Well earned bye in preparation for Detroit or Atlanta.

3 Things of note:

1) #1 Seed/Home Field advantage — Clinched!
2) ZERO penalties
3) This was the 4th time in calendar year 2011 that the Packers have beaten the Bears.

I like the affirmative clenching of the playoff seed, it always seems sort of cheap to have someone lose to get your spot clinched. With this win, the next road game they have is in Indianapolis. Seeing no yellow laundry was a sight to behold, I like the discipline on display. I have long contended that a Packers coach’s job is secure with 4 wins a year as long as those wins are against the dreaded Bears and the hated Vikings. A few Superbowl appearances also helps but is not strictly necessary.

Grades:

Offense: A-

A slight ding for going to sleep most of the first half. A great start and a great 2 minute drill before halftime got the score to where is should be, but the 3 (or was it 4) three-and-outs in a row didn’t look like a Championship squad. 2nd Half was much better, but I have to say that they still need to get the running game on track. Only 1 more week to get that straightened out guys, lets see the run game dominate against Detroit.

Defense: D

2 Takeaways hide a dismal performance. The run defense never got off the sidelines and the only thing that stopped them was a Chicago offense that is pretty awful, partially because of injury. A playoff caliber team would have eaten this defense alive and made a track meet out of a rout.

Special Teams: A

Devon who?

If you shut out (even a gimpy) Devon Hester from difference making returns you are doing something right. Directional punting and solid kickoffs are a good start to achieving this, but excellent coverage finishes it and they had both on display.

MVP: The O-Line

They kept Rodgers upright and clean in a game that had very little running. Even with big time injuries they played a great game in pass protection and showed some fantastic athleticism on the many screens and dumpoffs. Ryan Grant’s big screen play on the first drive shows the best possible O-Line play. Good Job Guys!

Honorable Mention: Aaron Rodgers, 5 TD passes, including a rainbow warrior throw to Nelson that was a thing of beauty. Not MVP because he would not have been able to do that without superior O-Line play.

Next Week: Detroit on the Frozen Tundra

Nothing on the line? How about a division rival at home and a chance to sweep the division? No? Then how about knocking out a division rival from the playoffs so you don’t have to play them again? Still no? How about Suh? Yeah, that should do it…

Prediction: Detroit 14, Green Bay 27

Matt Flynn takes over in the 2nd Quarter with a 14-7 lead and puts the dagger in Detroit’s season late in the 3rd Quarter with a TD to Driver. Hows that for a specific prediction?

Well, I guess it might as well be now than in a few weeks…

I hope this loss lights a fire under them light the last one almost a year ago. After the loss to New England last year they found new resolve and ran the table… until yesterday.

For only the 2nd time this year the game wasn’t on my local TV so I missed it and will not review. The link that the helpful person left in my last “missed the game” report’s comments looked a little to fishy for me so I decided to just miss the game seeing that it was going to be a walk anyway… NOT…

Next Week: BEAR WEEK!

Unless the 49ers find a way to lose tonight, this game will have meaning above and beyond the rivalry. The Packers were humbled against the Chiefs and unless I miss my read on the character of this team the Bears are in for a thumpin’. Adding to the thumpin’ I am about to predict, da Bears lost to Seattle yesterday putting them even further out of the playoff picture.

Prediction: Bears 3, Packers 38

Their playoff chances seems only mathematical due to injury and losing to a bad Seattle team tells me they have reserved some beach time after January 1st.

I recently started thinking that maybe I might give the “Hippy Lifestyle” a shot, but it was brought to my attention that maybe they would remember me from all that “punching” business…

Maybe… maybe… but I think that the drugs might have cleared those unfortunate memories out of their minds…

I actually went to a “movie theater” to see the new Muppet movie with Mrs. Sinner and teh Sinlet last weekend. “The Muppet Show” was a favorite of mine and I had a great time at the movie. For fans of the show it doesn’t disappoint with references and jokes that are right from the old story lines. I’m not really sure teh Sinlet enjoyed it as much as the Mrs and I did, but seemed to be glad to go.

I guess I could have done without the bad guy being an oil man, but whatever…

One moment of self-realization came when the bad guy called the Muppets “hippy-dippy”. It was at that moment that I realized that they are a bunch of dam dirty hippies… After a moment of reflection I decided that I was OK with that.

As long as they stay off my lawn…

Worst place to find a job.

I guess the old people aren’t hiring any more…

A complete team victory. This is what I have been looking for all year, a game where the Packers were dominant in every phase of the game.

Grades:

Offense: A

Hurray for the running game! The passing game took a slight back seat to the running game, and thats a good thing, a REAL good thing. Primetime said that it just isn’t fair if these guys get a running game to go with the passing game. From today’s performance it looks like there is a new level of “unfair”.

Did we miss any “Ryans”? 3 TD by people named Ryan has to be some sort of a record…

Defense: A

Turnovers, turnovers and more turnovers! In between the turnovers the defense looked stout. Much better than previous weeks and hopefully a sign of things to come. This would be a good time to get to the “Championship Defense” standard.

Special Teams: A-

Only a ding for a blocked extra point. I was amazed to hear that this was the first home FG attempt this year.

MVP: Ryan Grant

Ryan is a fantastic one cut runner. When he gets downhill he is a load and his straight line speed is awesome. Glad to see him back to form, its a good time to get healthy for him and for the team.

Honorable Mention: Team Defense

Best defensive outing all year. Time to slam the door shut and get ready for a run.

Next Week: at Kansas City

Packers can wrap up home field advantage next week in KC. I think they will, though the Chiefs are a very up-n-down type of team and if they are “up” they can be trouble.

Prediction: Green Bay 38, Kansas City 21

Home field advantage taken, now they will have to answer those questions about “perfection” and if they rest against 2 division rivals in the last 2 games. I certainly hope not. I hope they play it like they did this week against the Raiders, get the game under control and then send in the second team, which is probably still more than a match for da Bears and the Lions on the Frozen Tundra.

“Adversity Football” is what Coach McCarthy calls it, I call it fun.

As you may recall, I picked this as the game that the Packers would lose the quest for the unbeaten season, I am glad I was wrong. Not that they didn’t try to make my prediction true…

I just marveled at the last 58 seconds of the game. You could see it in Aaron Rodgers’ eyes as he grabbed his helmet, he wasn’t going to be settling for a chance in OT. All of the problems that beset the offense suddenly melted away and we got a glimpse of true greatness. This bunch is special…

Grades:

Offense: B

Most of the game they looked mortal. A severe case of the dropsies was going around, especially with Jermichael Finley. The running game was non-existant and Rodgers looked like the one of the top 5 QBs in the league this year instead of one for the ages. I know thats a tough burden.

Defense: C-

Flashes of brilliance, most notably from Clay Matthews, were overshadowed by sub-par play the rest of the time. Eli Manning is very very good, but his supporting cast is lackluster. The Packer defense made them look better than they have a right to look. Especially disappointing was Charles Woodson with big penalties and missed plays, though his sportsmanship was on display as he gave some props to a Giant receiver after a fantastic TD catch. He left the game with a concussion, which I hope he can throw off along with the rest of his dismal performance.

Special Teams: C+

A missed FG at the end of the first half came back to haunt the team in the end, but the clutch kick at the end redeems.

MVP: Donald Driver

2 TDs in a game where the other members of the receiving corps has trouble catching the ball gets him the coveted Seven Sins nod. The second TD was a thing of beauty.

I admit that I have a bias for Donald, he is my favorite Packer by a long distance and I have been a fan of his since his rookie year. His demeanor on the field and off is a joy. The easy and wide smile makes me warm and fuzzy. I have always loved players that look like they are having the time of their lives out there, mainly because they should be having the time of their lives.

Honorable Mention: Clay “da Claymaker” Matthews

Pick-6 and a sack/forced fumble puts him in strong contention for the MVP, but Driver is my favorite. Teh Sinlet is disappointed as Clay is her favorite, but I write the column not her… Nayahh nayahh

Next Week: Oakland

The Raiders were absolutely crushed this week by a resurgent Miami team. The question is: Will they be able to bounce back and challenge the World Champs or is the car running in the parking lot waiting for the game to end?

Prediction: Oakland 14, Green Bay 35

The car is running and the folks in Northern Wisconsin are saying “Bring on the Global Warmining”….